You may already have seen this on LinkedIn: https://nyti.ms/2tufYrt, a recent New York Times article headlined ‘Kindness is a Skill’. Subtitle: Practical tips for fighting a culture of savagery. Despite the subtitle, I found the article both encouraging and pragmatic, and then noticed how within a week it had been viewed nearly 900 times, a record for my modest posting history. It evidently strikes a chord.
It was written by a genuine cynic, a journalist of long-standing. That makes it even more fascinating. As you see it offers cryptic suggestions of ways in which people can be brought together peacefully and encouraged to think beyond tribe and opinion and anger. It reminds me of what happens when we can offer just enough of the principles of the Thinking Environment, enough Ease and Encouragement to avoid competition and share time equally so that people simply have to start listening to each other, enough ground rules to make sure people are giving and receiving attention without being interrupted and triggered into aggression, above all it makes me focus on how to make this happen more in our sadly uneasy times.
It was wonderful to witness this ‘live’ at a recent UK TTT Collegiate day, when Nancy facilitated two discussion pairs on two very thorny topics (Brexit, and abortion), and to notice what started to happen as each listened to each other with respect and interest, above all listening to understand, not listening to compete and convince. That’s the difference, isn’t it? When we listen to understand it changes everything about how we are in a discussion. And in the end, it feels kind. The people in the abortion discussion actually commented on how the listening had not changed what they felt and believed about the topic, but it had changed how they felt about each other. They felt warmer, less opposed, more understanding. In a word, kinder.
It takes courage to be kind. It takes wisdom, experience and discipline to be kind. It’s hard. I think the ten beautiful, foundational, aspirational components of the Thinking Environment offer a practical, disciplined way to set ourselves up for kindness. I wonder what you think, and where are you seeing kindness?